A New Venture?

So I read in the school newspaper that the Ketchum's are leaving Culver for India. This is really exciting for them and I wish them the best of luck. Now there is a hole in the RD world and I plan on filling it. I know I know that most of you are thinking, "hey this guy's not qualified, he's not even married!" Well despite popular belief, I am very qualified; I am a goal-oriented, task-driven, honest, hard-working American grad (grades pending). I know the insides and outsides of NNU and plan on making that first year for Freshman males a great one! I'll be like one of the guys, except I'd be ruling with an iron fist.

I'll be able to keep up my gym appearances, Dex meal times, and most likely Chapel attendance :) I know that most of you would miss me so much if I left NNU and that is why I am planning on coming back, but as Culver's RD. I have already begun rubbing shoulders, kissing babies, squeezing knees, tickling tummies, caressing backs (not lower backs) to the higher up peeps to get this job.

I know that most of you are concerned that I am not married, and usually these RD's have a significant other; I plan on when I move in to be MARRIED, that's right I said it. I will be married when the new Freshman move in. You may ask, who is this vixen of glory, this angelic being from high and I'll tell you who she is: her name is Ilga Brasgalov, she is a mail order bride from Turkmenistan. She is quaint, dresses moderately (I know this is a concern for living in a dorm with all boys), and has a great sense of humor (if you understand Russian or Turkmen).

I know that most of you are used to babysitting or seeing little kids around the dorm and campus and I have already filled that gap as well; I have adopted TWO Australian boys who I will teach the fundamentals of hockey to and make them the best Australian hockey players to have ever played. They will be here in mid-August so Ilga and I will have time to "get aquatinted".

I know you are all very excited for me and my new endeavor as well as excited to see me for the remainder of your time here at NNU. I hope you treat me like the same great guy that I am. Fingers crossed Carey Cooke and Karen Pearson pick me for this position or I'm screwed!