Saturday would be my mom’s birthday. I would’ve already had a card and a little special something sent to her since she was one of the only people’s birthday that I could remember. I am terrible with birthdays ask my best friend Mike, I always forget his. I’m a horrible friend.
As I said sometime in December there are certain times in the year when I just have a tough time, and this is of course one of them. Oh yeah you gotta love Valentines day, but it gets more difficult when I know that a couple days after it should be her birthday. I like to spend it looking at old pictures and trying to remember things about her and calling my brothers and dad.
Times are certainly changing and at a rapid pace. I remember when my dad and mom left that Sunday afternoon the beginning of Freshman year and my dad gave me that great wisdom, “Alex, don’t embarrass the family name.” That’s stuck with me so far and probably for sometime after, but the one thing that I will always remember is when my mom and I said goodbye and how I could see in her eyes that she was so proud of me and excited for what was to become of me here at NNU. I know that I have changed a lot since freshman year, but hopefully for the best, I just know that I am still making her proud today.
During these certain times in the year I always look back on what she has missed out on and that really saddens me; of course I do believe that she sees each of us and those great moments, but I would still love to see her here and hear her reaction to certain things. I know that she would be making trips galore to visit Ian and Jamie and the three grandkids (she always wanted grandkids), I know that she would be here for my graduation planning a get together with all my friends and family members (now my dad is doing that, thanks dad), and probably helping Leo and Jenny move or relocate for the summer to one of the Carolinas.
I just look back and miss talking on the phone with her because she was full of so much wisdom, wisdom that I need right now. Many things have been on my mind: school, after-school, girls, projects, trips, just everything and I know that she would have something to say about each that would help. I know that I have a great family and can talk to them about anything, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel right cause I know that mom and I would talk about it. I feel like I need to communicate more with my family especially since I’m “growing up” because they have wisdoms and insights that will help me.
Since I started this blog, I was always real excited to post 100 blogs and I kept thinking about what it might be, some crazy excursion or a prank, but I am so glad that it could be me sharing my love and memory of my mom.
Happy birthday mom! I miss you tons and love you.
6 comments:
mr. alex:
-thank you for sharing.
-this is really sweet and encouraging.
-valentines day is about love.
-love of any sort.
blessings, becca
alex, what a great 100th posting! not a day goes by that i don't think or miss your mom! i so badly wish for you and the rest of the boys she was here, but i too know she is watching over us all! i know she is SO proud of you for all your acomplishments and the man you are becoming! no one has taught me more about faith, motherhood and love than your mom and i look forward to the day i can see her again! feb. 16th is and will always be a GREAT day.
look forward to seeing you soon!
love you~jamie
First of all, I think Dad and Leo embarassed the family name to such an extreme that there was no way you could do additional damage. You are an amazing guy Alex - an awesome brother, inspiring uncle, compassionate son and a terrible friend to Mike. You are my hero. It wasnt long ago that you were the weakest link in the family chain - a young kid without a clue,1,00s of miles away from your family, too scared to venture out into the real world. After mom passed away, when I would go to sleep at night I'd run through the list of things I analyze before sleeping and there on the list was always "Alex." "Was he going to be ok? How can I help him know the pain will ease? How can I make sure he knows he isnt alone, that he can call if he needs me? Will he call tonight?" I dont worry anymore. I wonder what the next accomplishment will be, the next funny story, what you are going to do after graduation. I am proud of you. So is Mom. You are going to do some amazing things on this earth. Then, when you are done, she will be waiting for you to tell you how proud she is. I am just grateful I get to sit back and watch you make an impact in this world. I love you Alex. Happy birthday mom.
Al,
It seems impossible how long mom has been in heaven. I echo your feeling of missing the conversations on the phone and laughter over silly things. How she wanted to know every detail about our lives. I sometimes stop to contemplate all that she will miss here on earth but when that thought comes I always remember that God's plan was for her to be in heaven. And that comforts me because I know that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us....that he promises to never leave nor forsake us. You know the growth in your life can be seen starting after mom went to heaven.
I know that there are times we wish we could dial 907-232-6219 and hear her wonderful voice.....but we will have an eternity with her and God in heaven. She and God would want us to continue living and following the plan that God laid out before the creation of the world. I know you have fears and worries about the future but this should only make you fall on your knees and acknowledge your utter desire to hold on to God and never let go.
I appreciate how you always bring up mom when i need to think about her. I appreciate your love for family and friends. I know mom is happy where she is and will be waiting by the pearly gates to hear all the stories we will have to tell.
Happy Birthday Mom! We miss you and love you very much. Keep working up there because we will see you soon!
Leo
So, Leo and I read the blog at the same time, and I wanted to comment seperately. I know we all have our own thoughts and emotions about Pam. As I sit and think of her, I just well up inside. I thought it would get to a point where I wouldn't be in a store (usually craft stores) and not start crying. (No such luck.) I miss her terribly.... I'm so glad she is with Jesus though. (I mean that in the sense that there is no other place that could be better.) ... and in a way jealous. What a good God we serve in that we not only get to see Him... but those we love that accepted Him as well. Thank you Pam for making that your life mission. Thank you for raising up a family so that they might KNOW our Great Savior. Thank you Al for this posting. It's just another reminder of God's goodness and your mom's legacy. We love you Al.
~Jenny
what becca said.
and i'm very much inspired.
thank you for this.
-andrea
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